Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
