dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
