just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
