Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
