Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
