I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
what day is it and did you see me today?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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