I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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