My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
