I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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