Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
be right there i have to get my cape
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
