gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
