I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize