You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
