ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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