how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
