Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
