I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize