he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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