True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
