Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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