I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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