Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
