C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
