Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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