fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
