Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
