Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
