It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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