I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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