Will you blow on my dice?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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