he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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