Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So many bounce houses so little time
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
