you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
A+ Viking dick
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
