How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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