why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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