you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
