i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
