your thong is hanging out like whoa
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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