honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
