so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
