I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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