I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
