I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
