i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
