i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
