What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
