I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i out mim tonsoeep
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