yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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