My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just want nice things and good sex
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
