you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
