Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
