Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
