Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
