We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
