Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
