I must be too annoying 4 u.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
