i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
