NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
