why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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