so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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