grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
