omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
