i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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