Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
