I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
