Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
