In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
